How Can I Stop Projecting Onto Others?

 

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Jean-Paul Sartre, a reputable philosopher, once stated that hell is other people. Do you feel that way, like you see hell and rage in other people? I do. And I am struggling to find ways to avoid lashing out especially towards my family and significant others. There are just moments when I think of past hurts, and someone comes over to talk to me about anything, and I find him annoying or irritating. What’s worst, I can’t help but shout at him and say, “Can you please get out of my face?”

I’d like to think that all of us have experienced feeling this way. Often, a coworker distracts us from whatever we’re focusing on perhaps just to invite us for a snack, but you told him to go away. Or your mom’s bossy nature pushes you to snap and bang your door behind her. And then you think to yourself, “I will never find peace until they change who they are.”

Identifying Projection

These thoughts we have about other people and how they are the cause of our misery are often wrong. According to psychologists, we attribute the qualities we hate in ourselves to other people, and then those people distract us and make us mad when they bluntly tell us what traits we’re trying to hide.

Some of us (yes, I included), in our efforts to deny a trait that we don’t like about ourselves, dare to tell others, “I am not like that, and never will I be,” so that attention is repelled towards the other person. And yet when that person gives up and disowns that particular trait, some other person will come into your life and trigger you with that trait. It will almost always be like that until you learn to acknowledge that you want so much to reject that trait in yourself! Psychotherapist Joseph Burgo describes this as one’s innate affinity towards integration.

I am sharing what I have learned through research and online articles about stopping projection off its tracks and preventing it from destroying our new and old relationships. Here are some tips on how to combat this devious defense mechanism.

 

Innate Traits We Need To Overcome

  • Ego. We sometimes tend to think that we’re almost always perfect in our ways, which has its disadvantages. This is why when someone challenges our views, we get angry and often blame other people for causing us to feel that way, when in fact we did that to ourselves.
  • Habit. The habit of blaming other people for making us feel what we don’t want to feel is difficult to stop. We may have been projecting for so long to a person or a group; this pattern may be so embedded that it becomes a natural defense against anything unpleasant for us.

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  • Decreased Awareness. I, for one, was not conscious that I was actually projecting my rage and worry towards my husband. I just noticed it not so long ago, when I felt signs like stress, tension, and mental preoccupation.
  • Fatigue. When we are over-worked and exhausted, we easily succumb to our temper and emotions, which is why we are inclined to project how we feel onto other people.
  • Emotional Resistance. The entire point of projection is to unburden ourselves of our anxiety, grief, anger, and shame onto other people. Thus, it is typical that we try not to acknowledge these feelings and what we have done to destroy our relationships. Of course, when we finally do, we don’t take the projection back simply because it hurts.
  • Dehumanization. It is the process of assigning a symbol to the person we are projecting into. We don’t see him wholly as a person, but as the mean boss or the clingy jerk. They become a representation of the things you hate.

Tips In Stopping Projection

  • Be Calm. When you feel the temper starting to swallow your mind and body, take a few breaths, four counts to inhale and eights to exhale. This has been a proven method of calming oneself down.
  • Don’t Be Too Preoccupied. The projection has features that separate it from simple annoyance or irritation. The most obvious is focusing too much on the other person, with accompanying beliefs that you are and will never be that other person. There’s so much self-justification in projection.
  • Look Inside You. Projection is technically turning towards another person, or turning outward. And the best cure for this quality is practicing self-awareness. Connect with your inner self and how you can fight negativity. This will help control your obsession towards your target person and instead shift your attention to better things.
  • Be Real. Psychotherapist Burgo agrees that problematic individuals may have the same negative traits that you disown yourself from. However, we frequently project what is real. For instance, if you are a nagger, you will tend to project it towards someone who is a nagger. Only that being a nagger is not their only trait. They have other traits too, some positive.

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  • Show Empathy. When you’re empathic, you try to imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes, imagine living his life. This way, you might be able to stop thinking of him as someone who is out there to destroy you, but perhaps like, you, he is also struggling to be the best person despite the challenges.

 

 

 

 

A Guide To Self-Exploration: Find Yourself Through Opportunities Like The 2016 Memphis Self Development Symposium

Many people, most commonly teenagers, experience an identity crisis in their older years due to poor personal development formation when they were younger, which is why a lot of initiatives like the 2016 Memphis Self Development Symposium are opened to the public to those who are struggling with the same issues.

These activities are relevant to society because it helps people who are having a hard time discovering their passions, abilities, and most importantly their identity.

Learning About Self-Development

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You may be wondering, what exactly is self-development? In a nutshell, self-development is the process of discovering oneself, the abilities you’re good at, and establishing your personality, which changes over time. Self-development is essential because it will help you in aligning your future goals, and all the decisions you have to make which go along with it. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the topmost portion is the self-actualization part, which is often the hardest part to obtain in a person’s lifetime.

Self-exploration, identity formation, and personal self-development are concepts that go hand-in-hand. These concepts help a person identify his or her key interests and qualities leading to a much better degree of self-awareness. 

Relevance Of Self-Development

Humans, having infinite space for growth, need to continue developing even until they grow up to reach the best version of themselves and having a good background in self-development is one way for you to achieve it!

With this, here are a few tips for better self-development:

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  • Take risks & set aside all your doubts
  • Be fearless & be open to change
  • Allow yourself to make mistakes & learn from it
  • Stop comparing yourself to other people. You’re your own self
  • Learn to forgive yourself & others
  • Try different things & observe what you like doing best
  • Meet new people & socialize more
  • Challenge yourself to new things so you can improve
  • Embrace self-love. It’s time to love yourself a little more
  • Engage in activities that will help you hone your skills and identity
  • Bloom where you are planted

 

Hopefully, these tips will let you have a better journey in self-development. Investing in yourself is really important and who knows, a few baby steps are all you need to get to your ideal self slowly but surely.

The Amazing Benefits of Dancing

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A lot of us are not sufficiently active on a regular basis. We often don’t fulfill even half of the exercise regimen that we ought to do for us to be mentally and physically healthy. We should know by now that our bodies are not built to be stagnant and still for a long time – unless we are being a couch potato and just watching television the whole day, working on a desk for 8 to 16 hours, or sleeping for most of the day. These activities are a surefire way to develop back pain, obesity and ultimately stroke and heart attack.

This only means that the best way to encourage ourselves to move is to perform activities that are not work-related that we can do in our homes. Dancing is one of the top choices. It’s not only fun but also being skilled at dancing is tremendously good for one’s health.

Below is a list of some amazing mental and physical benefits of dance.

It Improves Flexibility. Dancing teaches one to be flexible, as most fast dance types require kicks, dips, grinds, and even jumps. If you’re part of a dance group, you will be engaged in hours of warm-up sessions that will involve simple and complicated stretches. Improving your flexibility decreases your chances of getting injured.

It Helps You Lose Weight. Anyone who has tried doing several moves daily will attest that dancing is a fun way to lose those flabs. You don’t need to punish yourself by not eating your favorite food. Maybe just consume a little, and then join a dance class instead of sweating it out in the gym or going for night runs. That’s way more serious and boring than dancing, right? Dance is something you can do for fun and health reasons, plus you get to meet new friends.

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It Develops Good Posture. Incorrect posture from working on the computer for hours or wrong sleeping positions often result in a permanent slouch with the shoulders forward and the spine bent. If this is not corrected, a person may not be able to breathe properly, as his lungs are unable to expand fully because of the slouch. To be a good dancer, you must maintain a confident aura, one with her head held high, shoulders rolled backward, and chest out. This position prevents back pain and keeps the joints aligned and the whole body symmetrical.

It Enhances Balance. Ballet – hip hop ballet if you want something more active – entails the heavy use of the legs and feet. Therefore, you must have the balancing skills to avoid injury. Practicing this skill builds muscle strength, especially from your core, back and leg muscles. Routines such as balancing on one foot would also require focus and concentration; thus you are able to improve your mental health as well.

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Sets A Happy Mood. As an art and a sport, dancing releases toxins and endorphins at the same time. These happy hormones improve one’s mood and decrease one’s chances of experiencing anxiety or depression.

Bottom Line

Undeniably, dancing is a fantastic way of achieving a great body and a mentally healthy mind. It is an all-around activity that not only makes you a star in the future, but a confident individual that is fit, toned, and beautiful.

 

Adult ADHD: How To Improve Your Communication Skills (Therapy Necessary Too!)

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It is a challenge to have ADHD especially when you’re an adult. You are considered lucky if the issue – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – was diagnosed early on and you’ve had therapy sessions. The problem will affect your life, that is, if you have been suffering from it without treatment.

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Tupac, His Music, And Me (Us Against The World)

I heard his name but was not interested in knowing who he is.   I heard so many bad things about him, a gangster whose music is not good for the kids to listen to.  In short, I was not a fan.  I thought back then his music was all noise.  But one day as I was on the bus, his music played.  “Dear Mama” put me into tears right at my seat.   Oh my!

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When We Fail To Act Like A Human

What does it take to be a human?  In my almost half a century of existence, once in a while I ask myself, have I lived my life like how a human being should? Is it just about helping others, becoming a better citizen, contributing to the society I am in? When I fail to be human, am I failing my fellow human being?

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What Makes A True Artist Tick?

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Artists are known to be eccentric because of the different way they view some things in life. Whereas you may always want to capture the smile on everyone’s face, for instance, they prefer to highlight the pain, longing, or sorrow in someone’s eyes. If you paint the sun yellow and the sky blue, in their mind and heart, the two may be reddish or grayish, respectively. Continue reading “What Makes A True Artist Tick?”

6 Ways To Protect Your Home While You’re Out Of Town

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One of the things that you may look forward to the most is the time when you can pack your bags and go on a lengthy vacation. You may travel to a tropical country or rent a house by the lake for at least a week without needing to think about the work waiting for you when you return. For sure, everyone has the same idea on top of their to-do list, especially when you can count the number of days you got to relax throughout the year with only your ten fingers.

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