What does it take to be a human? In my almost half a century of existence, once in a while I ask myself, have I lived my life like how a human being should? Is it just about helping others, becoming a better citizen, contributing to the society I am in? When I fail to be human, am I failing my fellow human being?
Wanting To Be Perfect
Everybody wanted to be perfect, be their best in everything. But we know that’s impossible. You can give it your best, try your hardest, still mistakes will meet you along the way. It’s an optimistic thing to aim for perfection, but to be obsessed with it dooms you to unhappiness. We are not designed to be perfect, and that’s what I think defines my being human. A human thing that we need to embrace if we want to be happy and succeed. We fail if we will never learn to accept and love our imperfections. “Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” A reminder from Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D.
Seeking For Your Purpose
Often when looking for life’s purpose, what we have in mind is how to make other’s happy. That’s a good thing, but not good enough to make you feel complete as a human. “You have to get really clear with yourself first about what’s motivating you when you agree to do someone else a favor,” reminds Erika Martinez, PsyD. It is YOUR purpose for YOUR life, not for others. So, think of something that is about you. You can’t find your goal in other’s presence. You got to look at your own life and discover what is it about you, what is it that you wanted to do all along. Ask yourself that very thing that will give you true happiness. Only when you are genuinely happy can you genuinely make other people happy. It’s a human thing to try different things, have as many experiences until you find your purpose. But not being able to see it in an instant, does not mean you fail. Life is trying to tell you that there’s still a lot of discovering you need to do yourself.
Never Blame Yourself
We tend to blame ourselves when we see other people in our lives miserable. We are not responsible for their happiness. We are just the channel, the messenger, the friend that he needs. But he is the one who’s going to choose if he wants to be happy or miserable. Doing half of the job is as far as you can go, and that’s good, the other half will depend on him. Do not allow yourself to be his excuse.
You Are Your Core Values
It’s essential that you know your inner values as a human. Being able to define them, gives you the confidence to act on them. It allows you to feel good about yourself. Knowing that you’re loving and honest will enable you to make people significant to your life feel that love. And that is enough to sustain your happiness. Being empathic deep down inside shows the human side of us.
Love Like Human
Many thought that love is a human instinct. I don’t think it is. To love, show love, give love, and let others know you also need to be loved is a skill we need to learn. But many refused to accept that it is a skill that has to be developed. They insist that love is a feeling, which should just be followed. And this is one reason we often fail as a human.
In an article of Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC she said, “Signs of strong spiritual health include having clear values, a sense of self-confidence, and a feeling of inner peace.” When we were young, we asked friends to sign our slum book. One question many are excited to answer is “What is love?” And we often end up giving the meaning of love. The most famous answers I can still remember are a line from a song, “Love is a many splendor thing,” and “God is love.”
As we start in life knowing much more about being loved and giving love, we tend to find the real meaning of love (both to love and be loved). It takes a humble human being to recognize that love is a skill he needs to learn to love like human and admit he needs love like any human. Often, our pride gets in the way of us asking our loved ones that we need a hug, a hand, and a shoulder to lean on. We pretend that we are able, we are strong, that we can without the help of others. And often, we fail.
If you keep on hoping for perfection, you will end up lonelier. If you worry about making the wrong decisions, you will end up not doing anything. If you worry about not succeeding, that is when you will fail. If you fear that you can’t make another person happy, you’ll never be happy yourself. You’re human; it’s a natural thing to fail, natural to fear, normal to not be perfect. It’s okay not to make all the people around you happy as long as you tried your best to show them you are and you’re trying to share that happiness with them.
Failing with understanding, crying with loving, fearing with encouraging are all natural things, and that’s what humans do.